I'm at the supermarket
Gonna cop some rhubarb
I reach into my pocket
It’s time to get charged

I pay in cash, and I know what happens next is strange
I flash a stunning smile and say
You can keep the change

(Oh) what?
Oh, yeah, I'm a good person
You can have that money (it’s yours!)
And also coins are uncomfortable in my pockets, uh

Sitting by my computer
Mom comes inside the lair
It’s smelling like a sewer
You should go get some air

I'm gettin up, and stretch, I'm filling up with pride
I open up the door and put a single foot outside

(Oh) what?
Oh, yeah, I'm a good person
I leave my house (so healthy!)
I'm gonna put my foot back inside of my house now, uh

My lifestyle’s quite unhealthy
I snacked recording this
Got an expanding belly
Can’t find a shirt that fits

Roll my chair to the kitchen, fill my snack bowl to the brim
Yeah, I know that might look bad, but then I sign up for a gym

(Oh) what?
Oh, yeah, I'm a good person
I'm a gym member (gon’ get ripped)
And I will go there sometime, I just haven’t decided on a date yet, uh

I'm chilling out in class
My teacher’s such a jerk
And suddenly he asks
Where is your homework?
All my friends in panic: No, was that today?

I slap mine on the desk and say
I'm gonna get an a plus

(Oh) what?
Oh, yeah, I'm a good person
I do my homework (model student!)
Turns out I plagiarized and now I'm in detention, uh

My mom is back again
Can you take out the trash?
Her mind was blown right then
I did it before you asked

(Oh) what?
Oh, yeah, I'm a good person
I do my chores (for mommy!)
Couldn’t find a trashcan so I dumped it in the ocean, uh

It’s just a regular day
Or is it, grandma?
No, someone’s changin’ age and
It isn’t grandpa

Other grandsons may just write on Facebook walls
But I am grandma’s special boy, so I am gonna call

(Oh) what?
Oh, yeah, I'm a good person
I remember birthdays (for example, February 7th!)
You better think of me when you’re drafting up your will, uh

I'm hanging out with quinston
He is the coolest guy
Got 30k on insta
Always wears suit and tie
I tell him ’bout how good I am, but he says: Bro
The people who are really good don’t brag about it though

“What? You’re saying bragging about
The nice things you’ve done misses the whole point
Of doing nice things in the first place?

(Oh) what? Am I a good person?
I don’t brag ever (never did!)
Now please excuse me while I go delete my Twitter, uh

(Oh, and I gotta delete this song
What, it’s already on YouTube and Spotify?
Well, hopefully no one will listen to it)